


In one bite, I will put you in my mouth like cheese

by JohnnyKayA



Category: EXO (Band), Kpop - Fandom
Genre: ? - Freeform, Angst, Betrayal, Canon Compliant, Crack, Drama, Evil Original Characters, Fluff, Humor, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Not Beta Read, Size Difference, lol, obviously
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-07
Updated: 2018-07-07
Packaged: 2019-06-06 11:41:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15194024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JohnnyKayA/pseuds/JohnnyKayA
Summary: Exo was in the middle of a civil war. With Suho trying to kill Baekhyun, Baekhyun trying to kill Suho, and Kyungsoo trying to kill everyone in the planet, SM's higher ups request Chanyeol to play spy. Facing threats from the company, the rapper will have to choose between neglecting his friends, his career or the love of his life.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The title of the fic comes from the iconic line from the beginning of "Wolf".

Chanyeol drank a box of guava juice through a bendy straw, walking calmly towards Exo Studio. A hand dug in his jeans’ pocket, whistling to “I don’t wanna cry”, by Seventeen. Their newest album recording completed, choreography ready, concept defined... Tranquility flowed in the air. A week of practicing the dance would suffice to start their world tour. Back to the routine of the members came activities such as eating out, frequenting parties and shopping. Finally a little break. One more month of uninterrupted work would’ve caused Baekhyun, Kyungsoo e Suho to murder each other with teeth and nails. The three were the most vulnerable to stress, fighting for everything. Past month, they reached the point of arguing over Sehun’s hair color. One yelling “platinum”, the other “golden”. Chanyeol believed it was simply... blond? Didn’t have the nerve to say it out loud. At the blink of an eye, obscenities filled the walls of the dorm room. Thirty hours of working, restlessly, will do that to people.

Now the spirits were lifted. Chanyeol could relax from his charge: constantly besides Baek, ready to hold him down when he attempted to start a fist fight. Kai and Lay were entrusted the same task, dealing with Kyungsoo and Suho, respectively. Four times, the members’ distraction prevented them from breaking apart the quarrels. The result: two torn (gucci) shirts, a destroyed camera, several scratches, one broken nail and a wailing Sehun. The poor baby’s heart was fragile, scared by the constant violence.

When Baekhyun tried calling the police to accuse Suho of homicide attempt, SM’s manager developed a timetable, designed to avoid leaving the three troublemakers alone. Everyone ended tied down, some playing nanny, others punished under vigilance. It was hellish.

_Nothing like two months of imprisonment to make a man value liberty_ , thought Chanyeol, smiling.

Stretched his arm, turning the handle and... Immediately regretted commemorating the victory before the end of the game. The soundproofing material of the walls muffled the sound of Suho’s squeaky yelling until the door opened. “You return me this godforsaken telephone this moment, you little ***re!”, he bellowed, agitating hands and feet wildly. Lay held him with an arm around the waist; face relaxed in his default drugg— _seren_ _e_ expression. At opposite side of the room, Chen sat against the pure white wall, earphones on, distracted on the internet. Xiumin, Kai and Sehun circled around Baekhyun, murmuring, as though approaching a spooked animal. “Calm down, Baek, you don’t wanna do that”. “Come on, obey Hyung”. “This is absurd, get down from there”. “Do not try anything crazy now”. “Extrapolated all limits”. The voices mixed, all directed at Baek, who wore only a tiny crimson silk robe, half his body leaning out of the window. Of the fifth floor. His right arm hung out the window with a ~~sensua~~ ~~l~~ hand balancing an object Chanyeol barely identified, but could guess was the cause for all the commotion. Suho’s mobile phone.

– I swear to god, Lay, if you don’t let me go, we are gonna have a problem. Why are all of you protecting this ******? Son of a ****. ***** ** **** * lobster of a ****, Go **** *** ******, **** who birthed you. I just want to kick his ****** a bit, The *** deserves it! – Suho continued, face red as a tomato, from the struggle to escape Lay’s arms.

Meanwhile, Chanyeol tried intervining: 

-Shhhhh. Don’t pay attention to them, Baek. Eyes on me, huh? Watch what your doing, little sweet pie. It’s insane. But it’s all right, because I love you. I just need you to get off the window, carefully, and give Suho back his phone. You can do it for me, can’t you?” He said, calmly walking into the epicenter of the hurricane. His small soft steps leading to his boyfriend, trying to cool down the environment. One sudden move and Baekhyun might go down. Literally.

Upon hearing the boy, Baekhyun froze in position, turning his head towards his boyfriend to observe his movements. Seemed calm. When just two meters separated the two, though, started screaming. “One more step and I throw this ***** phone out the window, I swear!”.

–Noooooooo! – responded Suho, behind Chanyeol, making one final move to get rid of his boyfriend, who still held him. Thank god, Lay looked to contain the sixty kilograms of pure rage in his arms with ease. – Do that and I’ll slap that ***** face of yours to the point that even your plastic surgeon won’t recognize his work! – said, shocking all present. The subject was tableau in the field. One of hundreds, like anorexia, sexual harassment, drugs, mental illness, bulimia, playback, plagiarism, alcoholism, pandas... Chanyeol never understood the last one. The fact was he fell in love with the adorable creatures years ago, deciding to adopt one as a pet. The nickname would’ve been “Schoppenhauer”, or Schoppz, with a “z”. Would’ve been perfect. Except Baekhyun warned him pandas were tableau in Seoul. It was risky to the image of the group to wallow in polemic. Though no-one explained why, Chanyeol believed his pretty little bamboo baby.

Shaking his head to clear the digressions, Chanyeol tried focusing. It wouldn’t do to have a main vocalist falling off a building, practically naked. A probable outcome, given that Lay let go of Suho in a moment of brief distraction. In the blink of an eye their leader crossed the room, grabbing Baekhyun by the ankle, causing him to instinctively throw his body the opposite direction. Right out the window. The momentum dragged Suho, who held his friend. Everyone paralyzed, watching Baekhyun squirming, upside down, in the exterior of the building. His indecent robe slid down to his waist, revealing a pink boxer, decorated by minions. Suho’s torso leaned over the window, clinging to his dongsaeng’s leg with all his strength. Chanyeol and Lay’s eyes met, steps apart, holding a look for a second and ran simultaneously to save their two lunatics. One pulled Suho, the other Baekhyun.

Silence reigned while a pile of limbs rested on the ground, gasping softly. Baek didn’t even try standing, just held his boyfriend, trembling violently on the ground. Others looked in a state of shock. Tears dripped down Sehun’s face, Kyungsoo had his mouth wide open. Chen even glanced away from the phone screen to watch the scene unfold. Xumiun, the normally calm hyung in every situation, cursed loudly to nobody in particular.

The unpleasant sound of a clearing throat echoed in the studio, warning of the presence of a visitor. Chanyeol turned to identify them. Met the face of their manager, looking thoroughly unimpressed.

_Jesus take the wheel_ _._


	2. STRAWBERRY MILK, PACMAN AND THE LITTLE FECUND

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. The characters that make up SM's staff in this fanfiction are entirely fictional. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is merely coincidental.  
> 2\. The description of Exo's personality in this fanficion is pure fiction, with no intention to correspond to reality.  
> 3\. Characters' mental and psychological traits are purposely exaggerated for comic effect.  
> 4\. This fanfiction wasn't written seriously. Don't read it seriously.  
> 5\. Please, don't sue me. I have a dog and three cats to raise.

PD-nim was a big man. Tall, large frame, turning into the center of attentions in whatever space he occupied. Even with the balding head and round face, was intimidating. He swept his squinty eyes through the office, looking uninterested and disdainful enough to make Sehun shrink in the corner. He had sighed for a few minutes, adjusting in his huge leather chair. Each member was targeted by the invasive observation of the entrepreneur. An old posture game: making them wait, squirm, showing who’s in control. Meant to make his power clear, evidence that with a single signature he could change the course of a life, destroy or build a carrier.

_Except for us. Exo is still too valuable _. _For now _, thought Chanyeol with a chilling presentiment. No-one was completely immune.____

 

–Who volunteers to explain why one of my most valued artists nearly just died a bloody death, in the middle of an agitated avenue? Because we all know how it would reflect in the image of SM entertainment. My legacy, all I worked for, would be threatened. –Started the man, crossing his arms and leaning over his imposing sculpted-oak desk. The question was thrown at the only members sat down, Baek and Suho. The only chair allowed in the office was the owner’s, imitating a throne room in which only the king has the luxury of sitting. A strategy to maintain the “guests” feeling vulnerable. An elaborate intimidating game. Today an exception had been made only because Baekhyun couldn’t stand straight, such were the shivers rocking his frame. Suho didn’t look much better.

 

–We had a disagreement, mr. Choi. Won’t be repeated – Stated Suho. Chanyeol had to admire the firmness in his hyung’s voice. Even shaky and pale (more so than usual), their leader acted worthy of his title. – We are tired, that’s all. The result of producing an album in only three and a half months. I have been requesting, in the name of the group, to be granted a few rest days. With all due respect, we cannot be condemned for acts committed in such conditions.

 

Choi Youngmin (or _Willem Dafoe_ , as Chanyeol called him in his head: if life was a movie that’s who would play their boss) seemed to reflect Suho’s words. The man thought in dollar signs, concentrated on the most profitable outcome. When analysing fair requests from his most popular artists, he sought profitability -not fairness. Nobody could condemn him. Born in a humble neighborhood in the heart of Seoul, losing his father to cancer at fourteen... Strict Korean moral standards dictated he should work to support his _omma_ , as the man of the household. Had worked with everything: bagging products at a supermarket, managing staff, getting a internship on a dance studio why attending college… Blood, sweat and tears were required to accumulate the capital needed to fund S.M. Finally succeeded. He detected the signs of exhaustion in his biggest stars, yes. Nine scrawny young man, facing their superior with looks of dismay. He felt sorry. Only not enough to risk his gains. His children's’ inheritance was priority, never could they be allowed to face the hardships their own dad went through. No, he should be calculating. Which were the risks of forcing Exo to start a world tour without a rest period? Each day of shows earned hundreds of thousands dollars, complicating the concession of holidays. At the same time, fans might rebel, threaten a boycott, upon seeing their idols’ suffering. It was part of a trainee’s lesson to hide the effects of fatigue and illness, but it became impossible to hide when someone fainted in public. Kai, Lay, Baekhyun, Sehun, Chanyeol, Tao, all became sick in front of audiences, facing hundreds of cameras. The consequences were not pretty. Mr. Choi took a few seconds to ponder options, caressing the fine blue silk of his tie. – You have the rest of the day off. That’s all we can grant. Exo has to honour their fans – Exclaimed, deciding to take the risk of a possible boycott from the fandom. – Think of the Exo-l’s – concluded, using his last hidden trick. The respect the group had for the fans always encouraged them to word harder. _N_ _othing_ _like a pinch of_ _emotional blackmail_ , thought, admitting to himself the manipulation. Choi Youngmin never claimed to be a good man, only an astute one.

 

– Yes, sir. - Responded Exo, in unison. The mention fo the fans made them feel vaguely ashamed. Staring at the ground, no-one knew what to say. All promptly left upon hearing the awaited “You may excuse yourselves” from the boss, hurrying to leave the room.

 

– Not you, Chanyeol. We need to talk about that knee contusion. Your physiotherapist talked to me. – Said boy already had his back to the office, crossing the door, when the message was heard. His shoulders shrank, froze for a second and turned over. _Right back_ _into_ _Sat_ _an’s nest_ _._ _That_ _l_ _u_ _cifer._ _Devil_ _._ _Beelzebub_ _._ _Demon_ _._ _Prince of darkness_ _._ _AntiChrist_ _…_ Chanyeol caught himself distractedly counting all synonyms of “the-father-of-all-lies” he knew. Nerves did weird things to his brain. He was, afterall, left alone with the Beast. The lord of evil. The fiend. The… _Ooops_ , corrected himself. _Stress is not becoming of me_ _._

 

Chanyeol hurried to sit on the chair previously occupied by his little Pitaya. It was warm, he observed, in an attempt to distract himself from the boss. Was for naught, given that soon mr. Choi started talking:

 

– Allow me to be direct, mr. Park. Time’s money. I did not request for you to stay back out of concern for your physical state – _Huh,_ _what a shock_ _,_ mocked Chanyeol in his head. – I need eyes and ears inside Exo, before one of my biggest stars murders another one of my biggest stars… Your task will be simple: maintain the management informed of private details of the members' routine and follow the instructions we send back. See? – He showed a creepy grin, openning both arms wide – We are all in the same side. I want Exo to prosper for years to come. What about you, Park Chanyeol, is that what you wish?

 

 

 

Chanyeol scratched his head, slightly confused. Felt strange that he and the boss might desire the same thing, given their differences… But it was true, he wanted Exo to prosper. Just not above all. He wanted happiness, rest and the opportunity to spend a few hours cuddling his sweet mr. Snugglegummies. There it was: the difference – Pardon, mr. Will---- mr. _Choi_ , that is, I can’t accept this task. The private details concerning members are, well, _private_. I can’t betray my brothers in such a way. – Smiled, feeling he expressed his perspective quite eloquently. The truth is that the most important thing wasn’t Exo, it was the members _._

 

 

 

– It occurred me you might say that, mr Park. – Sighed Choi, whipping a sheet of paper out of his suit’s breast pocket. He leaned over the desk and showed the young man a photo, saying: – I hate to do this, but you leave me no choice… Here is the picture of your, uh… Fluff Pompoms, was it? Or little baby-panda? Anyhow: Byun Baekhyun, naked like the day he was born, sitting in your lap – Chanyeol’s blood went cold in his veins upon listening to the boss mention his intimacy with his boyfriend, feeling nauseous at the way the cute nicknames he created being mentioned with such vulgarity. – Answer, Chanyeol, How much would you mind this photo being leaked to the press? Hmmmm? Enough to help me help Exo?

 

 

 

The image of a thin boy sait in the lap of another equally thin taller boy stuck behind the rapper’s eyelids _._ Even after mr. Choiquickly  pulled the sheet of paper back, probably fearing Chanyeol would try to get rid of the blackmail material. The idea of swallowing the photo did cross his mind, but the old man was too fast. _Lord_ , he thought. _Now what_ _?_ _I can’t allow this photo to be leaked_ _,_ _the beauty of my pretty little_ _fecund_ _is for my eyes only_ _._ _And that would harm our careers_ _._ _The_ entire _group’s career_ _…_ _J. Christ_ _!_ _Why me_ _?_ _All I asked was to spend life playing_ _pac-man,_ _drinking strawberry milk_ _and cuddling_ _Baekhyun_ _until the end_ _._

 

 

 

_Such a scandal would also harm S.M. Could the boss actually risk the backlash, or was the blackmail a mere bluff? Chanyeol himself couldn’t risk it. He also couldn’t betray his friends… But…_

 

 

 

– I will do as you say, sir – declared, feeling the walls of the huge office closing up around him.

 

 

 


End file.
